[Insomnia]

It is now five something in the morning and here I am at my computer typing. Lately I have been on this kick where I cant sleep at night sometimes. Its a really sucky thing because I am up by myself left to deal with all the problems I push to the back of mind. [random] Brandy's new song "Right Here (Departed)" is my new favorite song. I am glad that Brandy is making a come back we need REAL talent in the industry these days [randomness ended] I am sitting here thinking of all my faults and flaws and it started making me a little sad so I decided to blog about it because I know if I dont I will sit there and let it fester inside of me until I am physically sick (that has happened before). I have these random fits of overwhelming depression and other times I dont. I think that im "clinically depressed" sometimes..I am aware of all my issues but sometimes I cant control them and let them pile on top of each other until I get sick and have these crying spells. This is probably a little too personal to be blogging about but oh well thats me. [Sigh] This isnt helping at all. I guess I can try and get some sleep...

Love+Like+Lust=Confusion

Maybe I should have established a title with my significant insignigicant other. I dont know where I stand with him or what is allowed in our "relationship" (for lack of a better word.) We call each other shorty..which in reality means nothing and I was fine with that at first until we became involved on another level. Feelings of attachment popped up and now here I am. I'm torn about the whole situation because at times I care..but other times I dont. He's away at college doing what he does and im here in school doing what I do. He's made it halfway clear that he wants me to just wait for him until he gets back, but then its like because there is no title, label whatever I cant possibly restrict him. I know boys will be boys so I cant tell him what not to do ya know. When he comes back for Thanksgiving Break I doubt I am going to want him to touch me let alone be with me because I can picture him running up in a million other girls. This could be a really simple situation that I am probably making difficult. I want him to care enough about me but a big part of me says he doesnt and I'm okay with that sometimes until that girly part of me comes out and starts complaining about the arrangement. Im at a loss here. I dont know what to do, I cant talk to him about it because it just feels weird and out of place for my concerns to be there. Hell actually its pretty much a sex thing when we talk anyway..I should end it here but its that darn attachment factor. I really wish the brain outweighed the heart because I hate wearing that crap on my sleeve. Hopefully with this month apart I can will myself not to think, text, call or aim him. [Sigh] I guess I have to suck it up and deal with it right.